DIVORCE – What should you expect?
An experienced divorce lawyer understands that he has been through hundreds of divorces but his client has likely never been through it before. Ever. As a lawyer it is very easy to forget that your clients are anxious and perhaps even afraid of what the future may hold for them. The most significant thing a lawyer should be able to do for you quite early in the process is assess how the process will likely unfold. That is not an easy thing to do.
There are some who think that if the marriage went badly then the divorce will also go badly. If there was a high level of conflict at the end of the marriage and during the break up process then that same atmosphere will permeate the divorce as well. If the break up was civilized and organized then the divorce will be less conflictual and more logical.
There is some reality to these assumptions but they are not set in stone. Often conflict escalates when separated individuals realize that they may not have anything to gain by being nice. Why give your former spouse the expensive china, more than half the furniture, family treasures or a bigger share of the family money. After all they will just use all of those things in their new life with their new partner. And what about the children. Why not make them the prize that goes to the victor in the battle. After all they are usually the most important to both parties. Depriving your two timing spouse of their right to see the children as often as possible is the perfect way to punish them.
It is hard to believe but in fact the reality of divorce is that many couples choose to engage in battles over things and children rather than to just find a way to settle their differences as best and easily as they can and move on with their lives. Be kind to your children. Be kind to yourself. Compromise. Swallow your pride and your anger. Settle your differences. It will be one of the wisest and best decisions you will ever make and it will end up giving you peace of mind. Find a way to settle.
